Dead Awakening

This morning, I woke up crying, no pun intended. I'm not a frequent squirter nor have I EVER started my day with tears in my eyes. You could call it a nightmare, I had a dream about my Dad. The setting was our old house on Irrvington, around 61st and sheridan. He was lying on the sunroom floor when he called my name. I was confused, in my conscience mind, for two reasons; He was alive and I somehow knew he was about to die. I immediately embraced him as he told me his time was almost up. He asked if I was ready for him to go. I could barely tell him it was his decision, I was so choked up. Then with a burst of coldness, I actually felt this in the dream, he passed. This has to be the most intense, real dream I have ever experienced. I'm not sure what it means really, the mind can be so convoluted. Yet, I do know that I miss him, these holidays are going to be rough.

Some things come in 3's...

Some things come in 3's. Things like the Trinity, for example. My phone number has three 3's, in a row. Only 33 shopping days till christmas. Scratch that, there are only two threes and its past midnight. Although, it wasn't past midnight, when I got pulled over tonight for the third time this month. Thank God I wasn't "letting it all hangout ". I wasn't arrested, but I did get another ticket. "Defective Equipment". I showed the officer the ticket for my tag lights I have yet to pay, I need to do that. Think I want to blog about it? So, I cant just pay a fine, there isn't one. Instead, Tulsa County is willing to pay a judge for a court date. How dumb? The officer thought he had a DUI, because I had my brights on. Sorry officer, just stuffed on turkey and home fixins. Thanks for the unnecessary sobriety test, Happy Thanksgiving.

Over the Limit...NOT Under Arrest

This marks my second brush with the Law this month. Last night was my friend Allen's Birthday. We went out to eat at the Brook, where I work, to start the celebration. Southwest chicken quesadillas and three pints of beer later, I tabbed out. We then headed to the Boston, which was dead, to see what was going down on the 18th and Boston area. The Boston lacked a band to listen to, but did offer a pint of Guiness to kill. We proceeded to head across the street to the Murcury Lounge. This place is usually packed with punks, skins, and the rock-a-billy type. Last night, we jammed to some Cash covers and downed a couple five dollar beer-and-a-shot specials. The standup bass this cat was playing was bigger than Big Bird. For whatever reason, we decided to hit up McNellies, downtown. Mary and I got there first, and I got a call from Corey letting me know that nobody is actually going to show. They all went back to Allen's apartment. So this is where the night got scary. I was driving Mary back to her car when a cop thought it be acceptable to fly up on my ass. I braked checked him. He pulled me over, my fucking tag lights were out. I thought I was going to jail, but the cop was cool. He could tell I wasn't shitfaced, although my BAC would have been enough for a DUI. After coughing up my testicles and recieving a 45 dollar ticket, I drove home a free man. Lesson learned.

Quarter Life Crisis

Today I have found myself going over and over the endless possibilities of what the future may hold. I'm currently enrolled in 6 hours at TCC, 6 hours less than when I started the semester. I dropped my photo II class and my photoshop class was cancelled. The only class I NEED to graduate is college algebra. I can't make myself attend this class on a regular basis. Math seems pointless to me, find me an everyday use for the "Quadradic Equation".

This is the delimma: What am I going to do with my life in the near future? This semester is nearing completion and will end my need for TCC, unless I fail algebra. I'm almost certain that I will stay in Tulsa through the summer, but then what?

I dream regulary about going to school in a differn't city or state. Finding the right school and housing arrangement tend to scare me, but I feel like a comfort bubble should be popping soon. I have been looking into several out-of-town colleges, one on the East coast and a few in Colorado. Finding the right school is one step, but then what will be my major? Art? English? Film? I just can't seem to commit to these thoughts that wirl whimsically through my brain.

What about the Air Force? Something about being goverment property doen't sit well with me. Sure, but there are all those benifits and good money. Paid training, free food, and free housing sounds pretty damn good. This kind of commitment would be a 4 year minumum, what if I hate it? What if I love it?

I guess for the time being I will make an attempt at harnessing my Chi and let these possibilities roll over my brain some more.

To God: Some input would be nice. To Casey: Pray more.

Back In My Neck Of The Woods

The East coast is such a beautiful, amazing place. This past weekend, Corey and I took a road trip to visit a close friend. Devin is not close in respect to distance, the trip takes 16 hours one way, but distances can't tarnish friendships. I finished putting the project 240sx back together in time to roll out early afternoon on Thursday. The car held up the whole way, no problems. The car probably ran too good. Everyone on the East coast speeds, 15 over is the excepted norm. We were pulled over twice, but only recieved one ticket.*

The trees on the East coast were the first thing that stood out to me, very tall and rich in vibrant fall colors.
The first stop was Columbia, home to the state's university. Devin lives in the dorms on campus. The best part of Columbia are it's hills. We rode our longboards from the dorms, to another loaction, then walked up a small hill and rode back down to the dorms, best evers.

We even got to see a hockey match! This was my first, I was glad to see three goals and fight in the first period. Although the door price was only $5, a beer was $6.25!? After the match we headed to the bars with some of Devin's friends. The bar scene was cool, typical college town strip. People getting faced down.

On Saturday we headed to Charleston to vist Swerve's Father and cohort in Lation's Way, Andrew Werth. The coastal city of Charleston was the starting point for the civil war with the attack on Fort Sumter. Andrew lives in an apartment, on top of a store, in a major shopping strip of downtown. Andrew attends a smaller university within walking ditance from his apartment. We baked a pizza for lunch, it was a delectable blend of veggies, cheese, and eggs! After listening to songs about David Kennedy, we longboarded around the town. The houses in the historical district are huge! We are talking 3 story houses, complete with full wrap around porches. I wanted to swim when we boarded the board walk, way to cold though. A visit for some summer surfing might be nice. That evening, we dined by the ocean at a crabshak with Devin's dad Mike.

Visiting the East coast really opened my eyes. It gave me a glimpse of what school life might be like out there, if I choose that route. It also showed me some cultural differences. The people on the east coast seemed to be more conservative. You will see alot more collared shirts than tatoos and strecthed ears. I got alot of weird looks, apparently they arn't afraid to stare. Another oddity is the racial tension in the air. South Carolina has a small ethnic popultion. Devin informed me of this tension. I didn't really see it, maybe because of the diversity found in Tulsa? It was a great trip, can't wait to see Devin again, always good times.

*The ticket was issued to Corey for traveling in excess of 20 miles per hour over the speed limit, in a 65 miles per hour zone. The second time we were pulled over it was 3 a.m. Corey was drving and I was asleep. I woke up to the police officer at my window. After running our information he asked to speak with me outside the car about some suspension of his that we might have weapons! He wanted to search my car, but I knew the real reason. The car smelled dank. It was my last little bit before I was to quit. He asked if I had any contriband. I told him what and where it was. He searched, he found. He let us go! If that isnt a sign then I'm to shave a beak.

Greed

noun
intense selfish desire for something, especialy: wealth, power, or food.


like flys that swarm
to rotting flesh
not even words
could cure this mess
this thing called greed
makes great distress
with pen or sword
should I protest?

for money, friends
will sometimes sue
who is to trust?
with what to do
though all in mind
could not be true
and all this time
he just turns blue

I cannot see
my eyes made blind
tangled thoughts
which I despise
the cure I see
I cannot find
can only watch......................my Father die.

Riders on the storm

As I drive home from Corey's house in the rain, I can't help but have 'Riders on the Storm' stuck in my head. I could thank Christina for that (huge Doors fan). She made a comment about the song on Myspace. The storm overhead is the first cold rain of this season. The storm was dumping, raging when I started the trip. Upon arrival to my house, the storm has grown quiet, giving me a clear, semi-dry shot to the porch. I immediately light up a black stone and wait to see if the storm is playing dead. Moments pass as I begin to think of my Father. He loved to watch storms. I could always catch him outside if there was an ounce of lightning in the night sky. Due to the increase in pressure, my joints inform me they are in need of some stretching. Bending over to strech, thoughts of my Father still race through my head. This is the first storm or the season, but it is also the first storm without my Father. I bring my head up and begin to twist my trunk to work at my tight lower back. Closing my eyes, I invision my Father's face, emulating the thoughts from my head. As my eyes open, an immense collage of lightning commences through the cold,dark air. Immediatley following was a thunderous rumble of booming sound from this intense electical phenomena that just took place. This event has echoed through my mind since it happened last night, just thought I would share.